An Evangelical Interpretation of Call Me Maybe

by Jonathan Harrison

On November 21, 1985, in the quiet town of Mission*, the Norse demi-goddess known only to humanity as Carley Rae Jepson manifested herself on the bucolic plains of British Columbia.  Raised by a pack of she-wolves, and rumored to have emanated from the forehead of her sire Billy Rae (sic) Cyrus (Norse God of the Mullet), Jepson soon set out to diligently study the art of music, so that one day when humanity needed her the most, she would unleash upon the world her epic creation.

Summers came and went. Jepson was not sure if humanity would ever need her, and if she had not wasted her time learning the sacred art of putting the beat on 1 and 3 and how to rhyme words such as “maybe” and “crazy”. She became despondent, downtrodden, and, dare we say, disconsolate. Would it happen? Would humanity ever cry out for her aid?   

Then came the summer of Gotye. And she knew, it was time.

Fully realizing that the summer of 2012 should not, and could not, be dictated by people propagating, “an addiction to a certain kind of sadness,” Jepson unleashed upon the world, “Call Me Maybe” to erase humanity’s memory of some dude being sad because he broke up with some girl and she ignored him (which I’ve never known to actually happen in real life, but I digress).

The place was America. The time was now. “Call Me Maybe” burned across continental 48 states. Suddenly everyone had notions of finding their physical descriptions on Craigslist’s missed connections. That someone like Jepson would meet them at a church event and would wait helplessly by the phone for their communication. 

The summer of Gotye had ended, the summer of Jepson had begun.

On surface level, the song seems to be about a formerly reticent woman who finally meets a man worthy of being pursued. However, one aspect of great works of art is that they are open to numerous interpretations, and I, after countless hours of listening, have decided to interpret “Call Me Maybe” through the lens of an evangelical Christian. Below my interpretation of “Call Me Maybe.”

I threw a wish in the well,

(Prayer? Possibly)

Don't ask me, I'll never tell

(We will never know)

I looked to you as it fell,

And now you're in my way

I'd trade my soul for a wish,

(uh-oh)

Pennies and dimes for a kiss

(allusion to Judas in the Garden?)

I wasn't looking for this,

But now you're in my way

(Ok probably not)

Your stare was holdin',

(Avarice)

Ripped jeans, skin was showin'

(Lust)

Hot night, wind was blowin'

(?)

Where you think you're going, baby?

(Anger)

Chorus:

Hey, I just met you,

And this is crazy,

But here's my number,

So call me, maybe?

It's hard to look right,

At you baby,

(Moses on Mount Sinai?  Maybe?)

But here's my number,

(Ten Commandments?)

So call me, maybe?

Hey, I just met you,

And this is crazy,

But here's my number,

So call me, maybe?

And all the other boys,

Try to chase me,

But here's my number,

So call me, maybe?

(Ok I’ve been looking at the chorus for hours and I got nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  I was going to go with something about witnessing to people and how we should be as adamant about telling people about Jesus as Jepson is about getting this yahoo to call her, but that’s stretching it.  Has she never heard of texting? I also originally thought this chorus was Jepson singing to Jesus, which I will explain below.)

You took your time with the call,

I took no time with the fall

(Obvious allusion to the Adam, Eve and the Garden)

You gave me nothing at all,

But still, you're in my way

(Where is she going?)

I beg, and borrow and steal

Have foresight and it's real

Ok. Let’s just stop for a second.  Every time I hear this verse I hear “I know that Satan is real.” Which originally led me to believe that this was a song about something deeper than hooking up and she was singing to Jesus in the chorus.  I realize that this interpretation makes no sense, but that’s what I thought the first ten times I heard it.  The actual lyric is “At first sight it was real” but if you listen to the song it sounds nothing like that.  The person who wrote these lyrics thinks Jepson is braying “Have Foreseight and it’s real” which makes even less sense then this song being about Jesus, but I don’t blame the person who wrote these out, because the lyric sounds nothing like what it actually is.

I didn't know I would feel it,

But it's in my way

BTW.  What in the heck is it?  She keeps bringing it up. And where is she going?  

Chorus

Before you came into my life

I missed you so bad

I missed you so bad

I missed you so, so bad

Huh?

Before you came into my life

I missed you so bad

And you should know that

I missed you so, so bad

How is that possible?

Chorus

Before you came into my life

I missed you so bad

I missed you so bad

I missed you so, so bad

Before you came into my life

I missed you so bad

And you should know that

So call me, maybe?

*technically Canada

Jonathan Harrison is also technically Canadian and was a 4th grade classmate of a young Ms. Jepsen, which seems difficult to believe because she is so much younger than him, but he totally promises it's true.  Why would he make that up?  Seriously?!?  When he isn't reflecting on the Norse demi-goddess he runs a Yanni fan club at driedhumor.wordpress.com .