Friday, June 22, 2012

12 Apostle Power Rankings: Week 1

on pop theology, philosophy, theology, culture, pop culture, christianity
by Jonathan Harrison

13. Judas Iscariot: Struggle to even put him on the list, but the coincidental number and the fact that he was chosen by God squeaks him in at number 13.
12. Matthias:  Really came on strong there at the end, also patron saint of Great Falls-Billings, Montana.
11.James the Less: Only mentioned three times.  Going to need to try harder if he wants to move up the list.
10.Simon the Zealot: Sawed in half.  We don't know much else.  But a gruesome death and his cool name are enough to get him at number 10.
9. Bartholemew: Was flayed alive.  Should probably be higher, but we're talking about the 12 Apostles here. 
8.Thomas: Patron Saint of India.  You learn something every day.  You're welcome. Also shares a feast day with my birthday, so I'm partial. Can we just get over that whole doubting thing already?
7. Judas/Thaddeus/Jude: Kind of nebulous as to what he does, but have you got your name into the Bible recently?  Yea didn't think so.
6.Andrew: Crucified on an X shaped cross.  I'm learning so much from Wikipedia today.
5.Philip: He's always listed fifth in the Gospels.  Somethings I don't try to change. 
4.Matthew: The fact that he's an evangelist lands him in the top four.  Wikipedia says he was axed to death, which may or may not be one of those things that some jaded Theologian made up just to get ahead in the world of academia. 
3.James: One of the first to join and first to die. Would put him at 4 but it's hard to separate him from John.
2.John: Faster than Peter, evangelist, and gave us the great adjective Johannine. Somehow avoided martyrdom and died at a ripe old age.
1.Peter: Although he loses to John in a foot race, he has the entire "founder of the Catholic church" thing going for him.  So there's that. Also married, which guarantees that sometime around 30 A.D. a relatively young woman screamed "You're going to be a fisher of what now!?" in Aramaic to her blue-collar husband. I would have loved to been there for that conversation.

Jonathan Harrison is a humorist, satyrist (sic) and designated B.A.M.F. for Cub Scout Pack 3827, which happens to be selling canned popcorn if you're interested, but is not going to be forced on you by anyone.  He writes over at

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