The Popes Predict the World Cup Final

by Ben Moore

Never before have the home countries of two living popes played each other in a World Cup Final. Of course, never before have two popes been alive for a World Cup Final. This obviously means something. In the tradition of end times prognosticators making wild predictions based on barely intelligible evidence let’s assume we can use this serendipitous moment to divine the future. 

By looking at the styles of the two popes throughout their careers as priests, bishops, cardinals and pope, we can extrapolate how they would play on the field and, ultimately, who will win the World Cup. This assumes, of course, that a nation’s soccer team takes on the character of its leading religious figure, but I think we can call that a given. Trust me, I’m a Master of Divinity and watch a lot of soccer.

GERMANY (POPE BENEDICT XVI)

Let’s start with Pope Benedict XVI. Benedict’s career was spent primarily in the ivory towers of academia. His election as cardinal, in 1977, followed a long and noted career as a professor. Pope Benedict’s writings and decisions have been based more in ideology, and, though widely viewed as a conservative and defender of tradition, Benedict started his career as a reformer. In response to riots and anti-authoritarian views of many reformers in Europe, Benedict seems to have turned from a pursuer of gradual reform to a defender of doctrine and institution. Translated onto the soccer field, Benedict’s style would result in a team with a strict style of play from which they will rarely deviate, but also a team with the power to defend against threats with impunity. As the one time leader of the modern Catholic Inquisition his team will be all about playing offense by pushing hard on defense. Precise set pieces, counter-attacks, and really tall guys playing in central defense are the modus operandi of a Pope Benedict XVI infused German team.

ARGENTINA (POPE FRANCIS)

Pope Francis’ career was primarily spent doing pastoral work and handling the stresses and every day problems of the real world. As a priest during Argentina’s “Dirty War” Francis often had to make hard decisions without much time to think. His beliefs, more often than not, were either found through accepted doctrine or formed in the crucible of the crisis of the moment. This has made Francis simultaneously traditionalist, though without Benedict’s deep need to defend tradition, and inventive. This has also helped foster an interest in the importance of the little things and Francis has been celebrated for his concern for the least of these. A team based on Pope Francis would likely be very process oriented, but would also play with a lot of flair and originality. They would look to have their own take on the beautiful game, full of flair and life. On the other hand, while their defense might appear wobbly at times, they would respond will in the crisis moments of the other team’s attack.

PREDICTION

It can, and certainly has been, argued that Francis’ views and actions as Pope are a real-life example of Jesus. Many will hold him up against Benedict XVI and point out that Francis’ concern for the least of these, and distaste for the things of wealth and power, prove that he is doing a better job of leading Church toward Jesus. Jesus certainly did not seem interested in things like power, money, or how opulent the temple looked. He was more interested in the poor, the children, the outcast, and the sick. However, the question of the World Cup is not one of eschatology, or soteriology, or Christology. When it comes down to fundamentals, Jesus was not very good at winning. In fact, Jesus seemed to think that losing was winning, which is not the traditional attitude of a winner. And while that may be great for our faith, it’s not very good on the scoreboard. There is only one conclusion: Germany’s crushing of Brazil was only a portent of the wrath with which they will dismantle Argentina. May God have mercy on their souls.

Unless, of course, the German team resigns before the game’s over. 

Ben Moore is a person. He is also Ben Howard's doppelganger. You can follow him on Twitter @untamedpastor.  

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One Small Step for Benedict

Pope Benedict XVI

by Rebekah Mays

A week ago I logged onto Twitter. It was a sleepy Monday morning, until I saw a headline from the New York Times: “Breaking News: Pope Benedict XVI Will Resign, Vatican Says.”

As a soon-to-be convert to Catholicism, I was confused by this piece of news. Should I be grateful? Worried? Should I fall on my knees right then and there and cry out for this fragile yet precious institution, the Roman Catholic Church?

Amidst all the hoopla and conjecturing about the Pope’s successor, religion blogger David Sessions posed a question. He tweeted: “Is America still pretending to care about the pope?”

At first I was a little taken aback, but since as the day went on my social media circles seemed to engage the matter with mild amusement, rather than serious interest or inquiry, I thought maybe this question was a fair one. It’s no secret that the Catholic Church and the papacy with all of their old-fashioned rigidity don’t have much of a grip on the lives of Americans. A look at the vast numbers of Catholics that use birth control says it all.

Still, though many of us have a problem with the Church’s antiquated teachings and public failings today, I have a hunch that there’s something Americans respect about the Great Tradition and its potential for global good. Last spring liberal activists like Nicholas Kristof defended the work of nuns when they received a hand-slap by the Vatican. And while the Church’s attitude toward birth control, abortion, and same-sex marriage continues to be an enormous roadblock for young people who might otherwise find refuge in the Church, Catholics have for a long time been key advocates for immigrants, for the poor, for the homeless—often more so than their evangelical sisters and brothers. Orthodox Christianity still has so much to offer those who want to help the marginalized today, and it’s not Mass that keeps people out of our churches—it’s what is seen as backward sexual politics.

The beauty of the Eucharist

Wanting to explore these questions further, I made a simple poll and posted it on my Facebook and Twitter feeds. The question was: “How much do you care about the Pope?” Out of 51 respondents, 29% chose the answer “I care very much and have strong opinions on the kind of person they should pick to succeed,” 49% chose “I think it’s important/interesting, but it doesn’t have a direct impact on me,” and 22% chose “I couldn’t care less.”

Obviously, we should be very careful not to draw firm conclusions from such a limited data pool, but I do think the results give us a little insight. To an extent, these answers confirm my belief that although most people don’t feel the papacy directly affects their lives, they do think the Church influences culture in some way or another.

In my opinion, this mixed bag of intrigue and disdain toward Catholicism indicates that the Church has a window of time in which we can still recover the respect, or at least non-hatred, of many Americans. The way Church leaders have waged a culture war against the current administration has not done us any favors. While I am not about to prescribe certain steps for the Church to take in terms of what issues it should or shouldn’t emphasize (I am a newcomer, after all), it is only too obvious that so many souls have been alienated by the Church’s views on sexuality. But I think it’s more than that. I think what has done the most damage is the Church’s pride when fighting these battles.

This is why I’m both baffled and moved by last Monday’s events. When Benedict XVI recognized he did not have the health to continue serving the Church effectively in his role, he set a new standard for his successor. He broke from tradition to keep the Church as healthy and vibrant as possible, and admitted his limitations.

Glass window above the throne of St. Peter

We can pray that regardless of politics, the next leader of the Roman Catholic Church will be humble, willing to listen to the voice of God, wherever that may be leading us. It’s safe to say that the next Pope won’t be a flaming liberal. But I’d like to think he doesn’t have to be for would-be-believers to appreciate even the small steps the Church is making toward becoming a more understanding and compassionate body of women and men.

I cannot begin to list the things I admire and even love about Catholicism, and for me reliance on big-T Tradition is one beautiful asset of the Catholic Church I haven’t found anywhere else. But respecting Tradition doesn’t mean we have to be stuck in the Middle Ages. Somehow the Church must show that its core doctrines are still relevant and appropriate today, and most importantly it must demonstrate how a man who lived two thousand years ago is changing the world right this minute. That’s a tall order, and it mandates some changes. We can and must learn from the past, but we must all the while work steadily on our future.

Rebekah Mays is a Barnard College graduate originally from Austin, Texas. She currently works and writes in New York City. You can find more of her writing on her blog Iced Spiced Chai or follow her on Twitter @smallbeks.