Every so often, when the proverbial fountain of creativity runs dry, artists will compile a list of "greatest hits". Something that in essence screams, "I HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT AND HAVEN'T FOR A LONG TIME". But you know what, the Rolling Stones release a new greatest hits every year, and you guys haven't gotten tired of listening to "Wild Horses", so yolo. Yolo!
Thankfully, my creativity will never cease, so instead of throwing in the towel, I've decided to bless you all with an overview of my greatest posts. Look upon my works ye mortals, and despair.
5.P**** Riot. Hate to say it, but everyone's favorite feel good summer social justice fad faded away like so many social justice fads before. The last I heard, Russia's Prime Minister wanted the girls released, which is quite different from actually releasing them, so let's just hope they get out soon if they're not out already.
4. Favorite Memories from My Fundamentalist Christian Beginnings: "In one fell swoop, Mr. Harrison distills all the emotions of the twentieth century, and gives them to us in a sumptuous feast that is both intellectually and spiritually satisfying"--Some Dude (Editor's note: No one).
3. Touched By an Angel, It's Time: SERIOUSLY PEOPLE YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING. NOTHING! WE ARE NO CLOSER TO SAVING RANDY TRAVIS'S SOUL FOUR MONTHS AGO THAN WE ARE NOW. WHAT DO WE HAVE TODAY? THE VOICE. THE VOICE IS DOING NOTHING FOR RANDY TRAVIS. NOTHING!
2. God Loves Honey Boo Boo Too: Seeing the trailer for Honey Boo Boo started the tailspin. The sudden stop will be when Boo Boo grows up from her white trash surroundings, finds class, and is gentrified by fame. Boo Boo will become the 2030's answer to the Lohan/Spears/Bynes-style celebri-monsters that can't just buy big houses in the middle of nowhere and dissapear like normal people. She will be our children's Marilyn. Write it down.
1.Evangelical Interpretationn of Call Me Maybe: At my new job, my office mate listens to mix radio. This song comes on 15 times a day. I see it as Divine punishment for trying to force theology on a pop song. But it was good post, and it was probably my favorite until now.
When Jonathan isn't patting himself on the back for the things he's written before, he's enjoying a tasty sub sandwich from Subway. Subway:Taste Fresh. (not a sponsor) You can follow Jonathan on Twitter @jonateharrison or you can just follow him around in real life.
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