by Leigh Bonner
I’ve never thought of myself as a
“girly” female, whatever that means. As a child, I loved playing
dress-up, taking ballet lessons, and pretending with dolls and
figurines of all sorts. This did not mean, however, that I never
pulled out my coffee cans of monster trucks that I kept at my
grandparents’ house or refrained from having all-out Nerf wars with
the boys in my neighborhood or stood idly by as my tomboy sister
slung mud at me after a thick Memphis summer rain.
As a teen and young undergrad, I
decided that because the ones who bullied me (for every reason listed
in the book entitled This Is Why You Push Around Nerdy Kids)
dressed in the most stylish, “girly” clothing possible with the
flashiest jewelry and makeup, I was not, under any circumstances,
going to bedeck myself in the same manner.
Now, in my late 20s, I have grown to
enjoy stereotypically womanly things such as dresses, scarves, and
jewelry, though to a point. I like not-so-trendy, indie sort of
things, I like to shop only when I’m in the mood for it (not that
often), and I don’t spend much money on clothing and accessories.
One evening after work when I was too
tired to do anything productive or mentally stimulating, I decided to
browse the recent jewelry posts on Etsy. I began with their new “Fine
Jewelry” section, which was way out of my budget but mildly
entertaining to see. Soon after, I found myself going through page
after page of everyday earrings, just waiting for one pair to capture
my eye enough that I think, “Hmmm, these would look good hanging in
the holes I decided to have punched in my ear lobes when I was 11.
Maybe they will match some of the clothing I found at the mostly
fair-trade, sweat-free import clothing and accessory store.”
The first thing that grabbed my
attention did not match my cute little poppy flower wrap dress or my
basic black dress that says, “I’m good-looking, but I don’t
care that much.” Oh, but it captured my eye. Captured my eye,indeed.
Yes, friends, these are genuine,
hand-cut Jay-Z and Beyoncé post earrings. They can be yours for only
$8USD plus $3USD shipping and handling. I chuckled, especially in
light of the previous Sunday night’s Beyoncé concert, which
happened to include football. (By the way, Microsoft Word 2010 will
spell-check you on “Beyonce,” insisting that you include the
accent on the final “e.”)
After my momentary chuckle, I returned
to my decidedly more serious search for earrings that an adult would
wear around other adults, or perhaps to work, and, after all of five
seconds, found these.
This pair of finely-crafted rhinestone
clip-on earrings, normally priced at $20, have undergone jaw-dropping
markdown and now only cost $14, with $4 shipping. What’s more, the
shop owner has placed them on The Bible, which obviously makes this a
Christian purchase. The Christian part is primary; the earrings’
quality is of marginal importance.
Moving on.
Not long after
the Christian rhinestone earrings, I found these gems:
Now, I am trying so hard to avoid being
mean to those who enjoy making and/or wearing this sort of thing. So
I simply will describe them. They are large, handmade Hello
Kitty-themed hoop earrings with Swarovski crystals outlining the bow.
There is a point to all this. I
promise.
Yes, those are earrings. They have
candy in them. Their dimensions are 2 ¾” x 1 ¾”. Yes, that
means that if you purchase these, you will have three-inches’
length of candy hanging from your earlobes.
Needless to say, I ceased to search for
earrings that would match my now obviously bland wardrobe, and I
started writing this piece. At first, I had no idea where I was
going. After I reread the sarcastic wit I bandied about in the above
descriptions, however, I realized that somewhere in there, I had
become something of a bully. Regretsy alert.
I think these earrings are hideous.
(Well, maybe I think the Beyoncé and Jay-Z earrings are just hip
enough to pass into the acceptable kitsch zone, and the ones on The
Bible are pretty classic and therefore acceptable to a generous
section of the public, but anyway…) There is a deeper question
here: When it comes to matters of personal style, is there a line one
can cross between disagreement and moral judgment? On the one hand,
we can simply have different tastes from another person, and we can
voice those differences or keep quiet about them. On the other hand,
we can take our stylistic preferences and use them to pass moral
judgment on another, again either vocally or silently.
My sarcastic comments about these
earrings could get me quite a lot of positive attention from people
who prefer classic, workplace-oriented style and would find me an
amusing individual. In a circle of preteens, high school students or
even some older adults, however, my comments might be construed as
personal attacks. I don’t think I ever went through a phase of my
life when I thought that it was a good idea to wear earrings like the
ones above. Until the last few years or so, though, I haven’t ever
cared for shopping much at all, so what do I know?
Before high school, I didn’t even try
to look fashionable because, like I said, the ones who enjoyed
shopping for the trendiest clothes were those who bullied me in
elementary school for being a skinny, short, nerdy girl with
waist-long hair wearing stirrup pants and Keds. The few times I got
remotely interested in fashion those days resulted in the purchase of
a pair of Tevas and, on another occasion, a pair of Umbros that,
despite being a size XXS youth, still made my legs look like a pair
of bean poles.
I have moved well beyond the things
that were said to me 22 years ago. Those words never caused me to
become depressed or crawl into reclusion. On the contrary, they
helped me grow into feminism, caused me to continue focusing on
academics and career, and played a role in my decision to accept a
call to ordained ministry.
Obviously, however, the words I heard
in the fourth and fifth grade about my body type and my clothing
choices still haunt me on occasion. There are days when I look in the
mirror and hear those words: “skinny,” “bony,” “goody
two-shoes,” “babyish,” “little Leigh,” “anorexic”
(which I most definitely was not).
The point is that I now am almost 30
years old, and I still can hear the words, remember the names, and
see the faces of those who said them. It doesn’t matter how much I
hate those earrings on Etsy. I have no right to attack the people who
made them. Read the words I used to describe them. I don’t use
name-calling like a fourth-grader probably would. I use sarcasm, the
adult abstract-thinker’s way of poking fun, reeling in a laugh from
others. You may have laughed as you read it.
I wouldn’t call what I said about
those earrings bullying because my sarcasm isn’t directed towards
the people who made them. But what would those artisans think if they
read this blog? I’m not against a little sarcastic humor every once
in a while, but every time I look in the mirror and hear the words
“babyish,” “goody two-shoes,” and “little Leigh,” I don’t
have to think twice about how I address other people. So is making
fun of personal style tantamount to bullying the people who choose a
particular style? I don’t know. What I do know is that what I wore
and how I looked once influenced my classmates’ decision to refrain
from being my friend, which meant that no one decided to be my friend
that year. Nothing, neither taste, nor sexual identity, nor color,
nor anything else should keep someone from having friends, even for a
year.
Now I’m tempted to buy those Hello
Kitty earrings, put those Umbros on (I still wear them when I
paint.), throw on a T-Shirt from the Limited Too (Does that store
still exist?), grab my latest pair of Tevas, look at myself in a
full-length mirror, and say, “I am made in the image and likeness
of God.” What would happen if I looked at everyone that way?
Leigh Bonner is certified ready for ordination in the Presbyterian Church (USA) pending a call after graduating from Vanderbilt Divinity School. She also possesses a borderline unhealthy hatred of John Calipari, assuming such a thing is possible.
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