Every so often I come across a pop song so catchy that I can't stop listening to it, but with lyrics so terrible that I hate myself every time I press play. Such is the case with "Dark Horse" by Katy Perry and Juicy J.
Since I can't seem to stop listening to this bizarre song, I've decided to do the next best thing: wildly re-interpret it using theological language that has almost no connection to the intended reality of the song. Follow me as we over-interpret, under-interpret, make associations based on the most tangential of evidence and generally wreck Holy Havoc on this pop music phenomena.
This is Bad Music Theology.
(If you must, you can listen to the song here, but I wouldn't.)
[Juicy J:]
Yeah
Ya'll know what it is
Katy Perry
Juicy J, aha.
Let's rage
All good pop-music based theology deserves a proper hype-man. Here Juicy J provides us with an introduction to the deity known as Katy Perry. Juicy J performs his role as a kind of Moses-figure bridging the divide between the untouchable, and possibly dangerous deity, and we the people who will follow her. Let us rage.
[Katy Perry:]
I knew you were
You were gonna come to me
And here you are
But you better choose carefully
‘Cause I, I’m capable of anything
Of anything and everything
The Deity Known As Katy Perry enters the scene. She reinforces the inevitability that we would come to her, that she knew we would come to seek her out. However, she is careful to warn us that we should be careful about making a covenant with her as she is all powerful and “capable of anything/Of anything and everything”. In historical terms, this may be a reference to the Israelites fleeing Egypt and encountering God on Mt. Sinai. These final lines must then be read as allusions to the plagues which had been brought down upon Egypt. Capable of anything indeed.
Make me your Aphrodite
Make me your one and only
But don’t make me your enemy, your enemy, your enemy
The Second Commandment of The Deity Known As Katy Perry: “You shall not make for yourself a pop star, or any likeness of a pop star that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or listen to them, for I the Katy Perry your Deity am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who did not buy my record, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and attend my concerts.”
So you wanna play with magicBoy, you should know what you're falling for
Baby do you dare to do this?
Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse
Are you ready for, ready for
A perfect storm, perfect storm
Cause once you’re mine, once you’re mine
There’s no going back
The Deity (Known As Katy Perry) lays out her ultimatum for the pseudo-Israelites of this song. If they want to play with “magic,” then they must be aware of what they are committing themselves to. They must count the cost and decide whether they dare to accept the offer, for if they back out, the God Katy Perry will come at them like a dark horse, obviously an allusion to the curses at the end of the covenant. (Disease, death, captivity, the barren fields, etc.)
The Katy Perry, thy God, descends upon Sinai in a perfect storm... and it really is perfect. Lightning crashes down, fire pours down the slopes, earthquakes shake the foot of the mountain.
Only one question remains: Are they ready for a perfect storm? For there is no going back.
Mark my words
This love will make you levitate
Like a bird
Like a bird without a cage
But down to earth
If you choose to walk away, don’t walk away
God also promises her people that if they commit to her, she will “make [them] levitate/like a bird/like a bird without a cage.” She shall bear them on the wings of eagles. However, if they choose to abandon her loving embrace, well... they really should know better than to make such a cataclysmic decision.
It’s in the palm of your hand now baby
It’s a yes or no, no maybe
So just be sure before you give it all to me
All to me, give it all to me
It is up the people, only they can choose whether or not they will follow God/Katy Perry. They must be certain of their choice though, because the consequences of giving less than 100% could be dire. There is no maybe.
So you wanna play with magic
Boy, you should know what you're falling for
Baby do you dare to do this?
Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse
Are you ready for, ready for
A perfect storm, perfect storm
Cause once you’re mine, once you’re mine (love trippin')
There’s no going back
The Deity Known As Katy Perry once again reinforces her power and might. She repeats the offer for the people. If they wish to be blessed by her deified self and “play with magic” then they should be aware of what they are in for. Once again they are told that “there is no going back.” This is the Sinai moment for the quasi-Israelites.
[Juicy J - Rap Verse]Uh
She’s a beast
I call her Karma (come back)
She eats your heart out
Like Jeffrey Dahmer (woo)
Be careful
Try not to lead her on
Shorty’s heart is on steroids
Cause her love is so strong
It is at this crucial moment in time that Juicy J enters the frame as one part Greek Chorus and one part Mosaic leader. He reasserts the power and danger of the deity in question, but also notes the upside of committing to her since “Shorty’s heart is on steroids/Cause her love is so strong.”
You may fall in love
When you meet her
If you get the chance you better keep her
She's sweet as pie but if you break her heart
She'll turn cold as a freezer
That fairy tale ending with a knight in shining armor
She can be my Sleeping Beauty
I’m gon’ put her in a coma
Once again The Juicy One reasserts the conflation of awe-some power, might, and danger with the wonder and majesty of God/Katy Perry. He says that the people may not even have a choice for they may “fall in love/When [they] meet her.” Yet there is always the possibility that “She’ll turn cold as a freezer.” Scholars are split on the final lines of Mr. J, some seeing it as a fairytale ending and others viewing as a subversion of the patriarchal fairytale form.
Woo!
Damn I think I love her
Shorty so bad, I’m sprung and I don’t care
She ride me like a roller coaster
Turned the bedroom into a fair (a fair!)
Her love is like a drug
I was tryna hit it and quit it
But lil' mama so dope
I messed around and got addicted
The highly sexualized imagery used by Juicy J in reference to God is used to highlight the intimacy and union of the people with The Deity Known As Katy Perry. Moses/Juicy also warns the people from trying to use God for temporary reasons since he had once entered the relationship thinking the same. He too was “tryna hit it and quit it/But lil’ mama so dope/I messed around and got addicted.”
Boy, you should know what you're falling for (you should know)
Baby do you dare to do this?
Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse (like a dark horse)
Are you ready for, ready for (ready for)
A perfect storm, perfect storm (a perfect storm)
Cause once you’re mine, once you’re mine (mine)
There’s no going back
The Deity Known As Katy Perry once more repeats her offering to the people along with her warning. Do they want to play with magic? Do they know what they’re falling for? Once the people have made their choice, there is no going back.
Baby do you dare to do this?
Ben Howard is an accidental iconoclast and generally curious individual living in Nashville, Tennessee. He is also the editor-in-chief of On Pop Theology and an avid fan of waving at strangers for no reason. You can follow him on Twitter @BenHoward87.
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Image Credits:
Image #1 via Liam Mendes
Image #2 via Wikipedia
Image #3 via oouinouin
Image #4 via James West
