A Series of Outright Lies About Prayer

by Ben Howard and Sebastian Faust

There's a lot of misinformation in the world today. Some argue that's simply the nature of the internet and the democratization of information itself. A lot of websites exist to fight the good fight in an attempt to right these factual wrongs and a well-informed public is thankful for them.

But we're not one of those websites. So with the fundamental ethos of the internet in mind, we bring you A Series of Outright Lies About Prayer.

1) Prayers are answered in the order they are received. However, legend tells of the magical talisman of St. George, hidden deep in the Sahara Desert, which allows the prayers of the bearer to leap to the front of the line while also bringing a plague of locusts down upon their enemies.

2) Preference to prayer in the syntax of Yoda, God has.

3) Martin Kalabash of Dubuque, Iowa is currently the world's #1 ranked pray-er. He has held the title since January 1, 2004 when his constant and pleading prayers led to a miraculous victory for his beloved Iowa Hawkeyes.

4) God only understands prayers in English. For the rest, he's just guessing.

5) According to economists, the prayer of a righteous man availeth much, while the prayer of a righteous woman availeth 75% as much.

6) Prayer is a non-renewable resource scattered in pockets all across the globe. The largest reserves can be found in Finland, Togo, and a small space-time fissure just outside Park City, Utah.

7) According to time machines, archaeologists in the future have discovered that certain sects of 21st century Christianity held to the notion that their deity was a tricksy and manipulative genie, likely azure in hue. Due to their use of the phrase, "Be careful what you pray for, you just might get it," we see that this deity was a capricious figure who took delight in twisting the words of his petitioners and wreaking havoc on their lives.


8) If you don't pray, God can't see you. He's like a bat.

9) During coitus many are known to utter the phrases "Oh God" or "Oh Jesus." Contrary to popular belief, these are not prayers. God is disappointed in you and thinks sex is "super icky."

10) The creation account in Genesis was actually the result of an accident. God was merely talking to himself and inadvertently answered his own prayer.

Ben Howard is an accidental iconoclast and generally curious individual living in Nashville, Tennessee. He is also the editor-in-chief of On Pop Theology and an avid fan of waving at strangers for no reason. You can follow him on Twitter @BenHoward87. Sebastian Faust is an avowed heretic, armchair theologian, and a self-styled canary in the coal mine of pop culture. He takes life by the reins, bulls by the horns, and tigers by the tail, all while living in Nashville. You can't follow Sebastian on Twitter because he doesn't understand technology.

You can follow On Pop Theology on Twitter @OnPopTheology or like us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/OnPopTheology.
  
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How to Get Abs Like Jesus

by Lane Severson 

Ever since the Disciples asked Jesus how to pray people have been changing up the pattern to work better for their schedule, personality, or just to get better results. In fact, prayer styles are a lot like workout routines. Take a look.

The Lord's Prayer - 8 Minute Abs 

Jesus' instruction to his disciples is the 8 Minute Abs of prayer. The Lord's Prayer is super fast. It is consistent. And it will never, ever, let you down. In just a few short minutes you can cast your cares upon him, confess your sins, and bring a sacrifice of praise. If you want to cut up your spiritual abs effectively this is the way to go.

The Jesus Prayer - Marathon Training 

In less than 70 years Paul left Jesus' short and sweet model and began telling his followers that he "prayed constantly." The Greek Orthodox in typical bad-ass fashion figured out a way to pray all the time. They called it The Jesus prayer. You just repeat a short prayer over and over and over and over for the rest of your life. It is just like running a marathon, except instead of putting one foot in front of the other in a never ending cycle you put one prayer in front of the other in a never ending cycle. Also breathing is very important for both.

Mass - Cycling Class 

Cycling classes and Mass are great for the exact same reason, there are a bunch of other people there and no one can tell how hard you are trying. If you want you can prop your butt up on that pew/saddle and space out for a good 20 minutes and hit the showers. Now you could also get a really good workout and lots of people do. I'm just saying, it is a great place if you don't feel super motivated yourself.

Book of Common Prayer - Nautilus Machines 

Nautilus machines were invented at least in part to kill the personal trainer. Each machine trains one muscle and it is easy to use them without hurting yourself. The Book of Common Prayer works in similar fashion. It is basically impossible to hurt yourself using it. It can also get pretty dull, so have a good playlist ready on your iPod.

Pentecostal Prayer - CrossFit 

What do CrossFit and Pentacostal Prayer have in common? Intensity. you don't really need to know what is going on, you just need to get out there and give it everything you have. It is also not uncommon for someone to black out during a session of either.

Popcorn Prayer - Pick-up Basketball  

Popcorn prayer is the Evangelical stand-by. Everybody shares their requests and then you spend a couple minutes popping some prayers up. You don't have to do much if you don't want to. But everyone is encouraged to take a few shots. There's not a daily requirement to show up like mass or anything. It's laid back and perfect for any time you and your dudes are hanging out and need to kill some time. 

Lane Severson is a former child prodigy, current father of five, and Anglican. He blogs regularly at The Guilty Conscience. You can follow him on Twitter @_LxNx.

You can follow On Pop Theology on Twitter @OnPopTheology or like us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/OnPopTheology.
 
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How-To Theology

by Lyndsey Graves

"Any one who thinks about God is a theologian."

My teachers were always saying this. I went to a Christian university where everyone is required to take a minor in religion, and the first session of Intro to Theology was always an attempt to get a roomful of Communications or Chemistry undergraduates to care.

The theology professors' point was, if you think about God, you are already a theologian; it's up to you whether you're going to be a good theologian or a bad one. I like this point of view, even if it caused some of my honors-program comrades and me to take our sophomore selves a little too seriously.
 
I've been a "career" theologian for three years now. I declared the major with the intention of pursuing a Ph.D. in something theology-related, and I haven't since wavered in that intention. I leave this week for Boston to pursue my Master's in Theological Studies, and I worry a little that the grad school gauntlet will somehow cause me to forget the basics I've already learned; so, today, some pointers for the happy, tea-sipping armchair theologian and the frantic, pasty, study-carrel-bound theologian (read: myself) alike.
 
1. Pray.

Never say anything about God that you wouldn't say to his face. Evagrius Ponticus said in the fourth century, "The theologian is the one who prays truly, and the one who prays truly is the theologian." Pray as much as possible. Pray during lectures. Pray while you're writing. If you don't know what to write, write a prayer. Pray when you don't like God. Pray when you don't believe in God. Pray when you're lost. Pray when you're happy. Pray when you're walking. Pray when you're taking a break from theology. If you're sick of praying, tell God about it.
 
2. Aim for humility above all else.

As you do theology, are you learning to serve? Is it teaching you to love your enemies? Or is it teaching you to correct, dismiss, or deride others? If theology isn't making you a better person, go back to step one. Learning about God should never cease to remind you just how small you are - and deflating your ego is prerequisite to making an actual difference in the world.

3. Listen to the past.

Embarrassing as the Church Fathers and Mothers (or whoever embarrasses you) can be, they were here first and they're probably smarter than you. Christianity is a historical religion, and if you claim to be continuing a tradition someone else started, it's important to know what the tradition is before you start blustering about "improving" it.

4. Use all of yourself.

Don't be afraid of what your emotions or your experiences have to tell you. Stay in touch with them as you exercise your rational side, too.

5. Consider your sources.

The "Wesleyan Quadrilateral" is really helpful here, until people start talking about it as if Wesley made it up. Yet I think the best, truest, most long-lasting theology has always been formed in - and informed by - the space between Tradition, Scripture, Reason, and Experience. There is an enormous amount of tension in that space, which is why various theologians and traditions have often tended towards one side or corner of the quadrilateral; but if any element is ignored entirely, you're missing out on part of the gift of God's self-revelation.

6. Talk to other people. 
I do mean this in the sense that you should listen to a variety of perspectives - very few people are completely wrong about everything, and it especially never hurts to hear from someone with very different experiences from yours.  Listen to other people before you jump to defend your pet point of view. Ask old people, homeless people, children, as well as more experienced pastors, scholars, and Christians.  And every once in a while, maybe even give others the benefit of the doubt.

But really, I think it's even more important to talk to your friends. They are your safe space and your bullshit-detector rolled into one. Without those casual, down-to-earth conversations over a game of disc golf, you run the risk of turning from human being into theology-bot (it's the saddest Transformer): you may be textbook-correct, but no one wants to touch you. Besides, eventually you'll get stuck in some kind of existential quagmire from which only a good friend (theologian or not) can pull you out. Also, some sort of vice is essential to these conversations - either a beer, a pipe, or a large pile of junk food. Any disagreement about Calvinism may require all three.

7.Test it out.

If it doesn't work, it's wrong. We're talking about God, yes, but this God made the universe, loves it, and is all in it. It's surprisingly easy to deceive yourself, and sometimes a lot of other people, when you're hovering around in abstract-land. So never forget: if your grand idea doesn't make sense in the real world, it's useless. Don't forget to at least visit the real world and pay attention to how your big words and lofty sentiments relate to the people around you who have never heard of prevenient grace or the Arian controversy.
 
8. Worship. 
It's trendy these days to talk about how you don't need church to have a relationship with God, or about how community is more important than Sunday morning, or about how all of life is worship so if you don't want to go somewhere and sing then you don't have to. But theology and a relationship with God, don't just consist of personal study, something you've labeled "community", and a neighborhood service project. There's something mysterious about worship - doing nothing but praising God with other people - that is important and powerful and changes you on a level beyond all the words you're playing with. Don't skip it.

I could probably go on, but I can use all the help I can get - What would y'all add to this list? 

Lyndsey lives in Boston, MA where she is pursuing her Master's in Theological Studies at Boston University. She enjoys Community, Mad Men and Beauty and the Beast and her spirit animal is a sloth. She would like to know if this is some kind of interactive theater art piece. You can follow her on Twitter @lyndseygraves and you can find more of her writing at her blog To Be Honest.

You can follow On Pop Theology on Twitter @OnPopTheology or like us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/OnPopTheology.
 
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A Biblical Response to An Athlete's Unbiblical Lifestyle

by A Concerned Christian

Apparently baseball highlights, hockey playoffs, and various unconfirmed draft rumours are not enough to fill the airtime and pages of major sports media outlets these days. Recently, we’ve seen not only sport-related speculation, but social and religious commentary as well from the talking heads on ESPN.

By now, you’ve heard of the story of the professional athlete who has become a household name for his lifestyle more than his statistics. His candid discussion of very personal issues has sparked significant controversy not only in the world of sports-related news, but in also in the realms of politics and religion.

Many prominent figures have rushed to support and congratulate this athlete for his words and actions and he’s been lauded by many as a brave and courageous hero; an inspiration to us all.

But it’s time to open our eyes, and reexamine what the Bible really says. We live in an age where people would rather make exceptions to the teachings of God, than submit to those teachings they find inconvenient or unlikeable. Nowhere has this been seen more clearly than in our culture’s response to this athlete. Rather than lovingly holding him to the standards of Scripture, we have accepted him and his lifestyle. Those who have spoken the truth on this issue have been ridiculed, silenced, and ignored.

The Church must be careful not to be caught up in the sweeping tide of celebrity worship and public opinion. Though it may make us unpopular, we must not endorse or congratulate those whose actions are in clear disobedience to the simple commands of the Bible.

In Matthew 6 we read: “When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love ... to be seen by others. … But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray.”

Sadly, Tim Tebow has been widely celebrated for a lifestyle of public prayer seen by others, in disobedience to this clear command of Scripture.

While it's disheartening to see the clear teachings of Scripture so blatantly ignored, it's even more disappointing to see many so-called Christian men and women support and celebrate this lifestyle.

It’s time for us to stop celebrating this athlete, and instead call him to repent and submit to a traditional, Biblical view of prayer regardless of how unfashionable or unpopular that message might be.

It’s time for him to stop kneeling in the end zone, and stand up for Biblical truth instead.

You can follow On Pop Theology on Twitter @OnPopTheology or like us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/OnPopTheology.
 
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On Holy Accidents

by Ben Howard

A good portion of my life is filled with accidents. From happy accidents to fun accidents to painful accidents where I stub my toe, my life is full of the accidental. Sometimes I even describe myself as an accidental iconoclast. I didn’t mean to dissect your long-held traditional belief system. Sorry!

I’m not a suave man, but the single suavest (suaviest? Suavful?) thing I’ve ever done was entirely accidental. I went to see a local band perform a few years ago and there was a $5 cover at the door. By accident I gave the guy a $10. He, in his infinite money handling wisdom, assumed I was paying for the girl standing in line behind me. A girl, I should mention, that I did not know in any way.

He stamped my hand and I proceeded on. Then he went to stamp the girls hand, and she stared, confused about why she did not have to pay. Realizing what was going on, I awkwardly turned, winked (yeah, I winked, what of it?) and said, “I got you,” before strolling off into the dimly lit bar.

Now, you might ask, “Did you get her number?” or “Did you dance with her?” or a number of other perfectly reasonable follow-up questions. The answer to all of those is no. I simply reveled in my accidental (and illusory) coolness. I’m not a suave man and my accidental awesomeness was overwhelming in the moment.

Not every accident is such a ridiculous example of my insane interpersonal skillz (z’s are cool, like bowties). There are other accidents too; accidents of beauty and meaning, accidents of time and space that bring us closer to something bigger, something more important, something else. And these accidents can be so small; tiny stories that hang on to us for years.

When I was a freshman in college I would go to this weekly devotional that our school sponsored. It was held in this kind of strange abandoned building on campus, in a room full of floor to ceiling windows that overlooked the city. It was beautiful and there were candles. It was the Platonic ideal for a suburban evangelical worship space.

One night, while everyone was singing and losing themselves in the music, I slipped out the back. I’m not sure why I left, maybe I needed to go to the bathroom, maybe I needed a drink of water, or maybe I just wanted to be alone. I can’t recall.

When I walked out of the room, I turned left down a long hallway that lead downstairs and I noticed a figure huddled in an alcove off to the right. As I walked closer I could hear the figure, a girl, crying in the shadows, her face buried in her arms.

I knelt down across from her and asked her what was wrong. She told me. She cried. I hugged her. We prayed. And it was beautiful.

I don’t remember what she was crying about. I don’t remember what I said. I don’t remember what we prayed. I don’t even know her name, or what her face looks like.

But I know we shared that moment. That moment of fleeting beauty, that accident where heaven and earth collided, where the Spirit, whatever it may be, moved and danced and sang and spun around us and through us and was with us.

So often I fall under the delusion that it’s the grand things, the big things, that are supposed to be awe inspiring, but maybe it’s actually those small moments, those seemingly random accidents of time and space, the one’s where the beauty and the simplicity combine to absolutely shatter your preconceived notions of God, maybe those are the moments that truly inspire awe.

Those moments are holy, fleeting glimpses of eternity in the present; holy visions of beauty, power, pain, joy and everything in between.

My life is full of accidents. Some are happy, some funny. And some, some are holy.

Peace,

Ben

Ben Howard is an accidental iconoclast (see!) and generally curious individual living in Nashville, Tennessee. He is also the editor-in-chief of On Pop Theology and an avid fan of waving at strangers for no reason. You can follow him on Twitter @BenHoward87.

You can follow On Pop Theology on Twitter @OnPopTheology or like us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/OnPopTheology.

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On Pop Theology Podcast: Episode 15 - Drawn In: A Creative Process for Artists Activists and Jesus Followers

by Ben Howard

In this week's episode Ben interviews author and artist Troy Bronsink about his new book "Drawn In: A Creative Process for Artists, Activists and Jesus Followers" from Paraclete Press. They talk about the importance of art in the church, the way we can view church itself as an art form, and the importance of engaging in creative activities even for people who don't consider them artists. Join in, be inspired and enjoy!

You can download the podcast by clicking here. Or you can subscribe to the podcast by searching "On Pop Theology" in the iTunes music store. If you download the show through iTunes, please be so kind as to rate and review us. We want your feedback and it helps the show to grow.

If you'd like to find more information about Troy's book, check out his website or the book's Facebook page. You can purchase it on Amazon here.

Also, remember to "Like" On Pop Theology on Facebook and follow us on Twitter @OnPopTheology for all the updates, posts, and links throughout the week.

Finally, if you'd like to stream the podcast, you can do that here:

Peace,
Ben

If you have any questions, comments, or if you just want to say hi, you can contact us at onpoptheology [at] gmail.com.

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Finding A God I Dismissed

by Ben Howard

Last night the young adult group at my church had a conversation about God. We talked about images of God, and how those images are at their essence analogies that ultimately fall short of who God is. We talked about the historical kataphatic and apophatic traditions that hold differing views on whether or not you can or cannot say anything about God at all.

One of the questions we worked through were the different images of God with an emphasis on the images we gravitate towards. Images of God as father, king, creator, mother, Lord were all mentioned. These are the typical responses. If you went to church you learned how to speak of God early and these were the kinds of things you learned.

As I thought about these images during the conversation it became clear to me that I'm much more comfortable with the regal images of God than I am with the personal or relational images. I'm far more comfortable with calling God king or Lord than I am with images like friend, father or mother.

These are all images that assume some distance from God, but it's not the distance that attracts me, it's the importance. I'm attracted by the breadth and power and authority of these images of God, and its a power and authority I don't attribute to an image of God as friend.

Even more, I'm drawn to the apophatic tradition which says that God is so big, so beyond comprehension that we can't say anything about God at all. In fact, when we try to encounter God the only thing we can do is be silent.

I'm drawn to these images of God and this version of God because they emphasize the power and awesomeness of God and allow me to experience and become familiar with humility. At the same time, it makes me feel like I'm a part of something much bigger.

However, as the conversation continued, I realized that I've been too quick to dismiss some of these relational images of God and that this dismissal has been to my detriment. See, I've always viewed this kind of God as friend thing as being a little schmaltzy and over the top. I think I was only familiar with this image being exploited into the Jesus-is-my-boyfriend language of evangelical teenage girls and proto-love song style worship music. It felt demeaning to God to make him into my friend.

But I think I overreacted. The helpful aspect of this God as friend or father or mother or brother image is that it allows us to connect to God. Prayer, for instance, becomes much easier when you view God as being close to you rather than being a king of a throne. It's dangerous to ask a king something, it's honest to ask your friend.

I've always had a hard time with that kind of personal, relational connection to God. I've always felt uncomfortable praying and talking to God. It's not a question of whether or not he's listening, it's a question of importance.

Let me tell you a story to explain. A few years ago I had a friend who was going through a lot of emotional and personal turmoil. We talked a lot and she shared her frustrations and problems with me on a regular basis. They were serious issues and weighty topics that required being taken seriously. Then I would share my problems, which were typically small relating to some crush I had or a minor frustration in my personal or work life.

My problems always felt less important and I always felt ridiculous talking about them. They didn't matter and when I let these small problems get to me it made me feel bad for letting such small things bother me when someone else close to me was dealing with such significant issues.

Thankfully, my friend was compassionate and always made me comfortable about feeling my own pain and problems. She would remind me that we weren't competing to see whose problems were worse. Even though her issues and frustrations were more serious, it was still okay to feel my feelings.

I want to be more comfortable with that in relationship to God. I want all of us to be more comfortable with that. It's still vitally important to remember the powerful and authoritative images and it's probably even more important to remember that God is bigger than any of these images and is even bigger than we can possibly imagine. However, we still need to remember the closeness of God.

One last point. I want you to notice where I came upon this insight. I wasn't in my room doing my personal devotional reading. I wasn't sitting alone at my house. I wasn't at a party with a bunch of people. I was with friends who I love and trust talking about things that matter deeply to us. I was being honest with them about things I apparently hadn't been honest with myself about. This is the necessity of intentional community. It allows us to love, be loved, and discover things that we would never have discovered otherwise.

Being alone is healthy, having fun with friends and strangers is healthy, but sometimes to learn the lessons that we need to learn, we need to spend some time with people we trust talking about things that make us uncomfortable. That's community. That's the church.

Peace,
Ben

You can follow Ben on Twitter @BenHoward87 or email him at benjamin.howard87 [at] gmail.com.

Also, you can subscribe to On Pop Theology via RSS feed or email on the top right corner of the main page.

Sacraments at the Ryman

by Ben Howard

I don't know how to start this.

I don't know how to convey to you what I want to say.

I want to share an experience with you. I want to tell you about what I felt, both physically and deep in my soul. I want to explain to you how I could feel totally alone and special while at the same time feeling like I was in total communion with everyone around me.

I want to let you feel something so profound that....so profound that someone else who experienced it with me said it, “made me feel human again.”

I've heard sacraments being described as a time when heaven and earth overlap. When we are able to witness the beauty and peace of heaven, but only for a moment and only through a veil, darkly. Typically, we refer to sacraments in the traditional sense. Eucharist, baptism, perhaps marriage. But there are other moments, moments when beauty eclipses our surroundings, when the world becomes more than the sum of its parts and we can feel the vague shapes of a hope and a coming dawn.

The experience I'm referring to was not religious in nature, at least not in the traditional sense. It was a concert by a moderately well known band called Explosions in the Sky, but this night they were something else. They were a vessel through which I believe we who were present were able to experience a taste of heaven. Just for a second. Just enough to leave a faint impression.

Keats once wrote that “Truth is beauty and beauty is truth.” The essence of the Christian journey has often been called a search for truth, so why not a search for beauty as well. All too often we focus on the idea, the theology, the hierarchy, the meaning, the argument, the purpose and miss the mere beauty of the experience, the transcendence of the aesthetic.

This isn't to say that we should tailor our religious expression to artificially create a feeling. We aren't chasing a spiritual high. But we do need to make room for beauty for beauty's sake; room for organic moments of art and brilliance that move us in ways that we could not have realized.

Below is a video for an Explosions in the Sky song titled “Your Hand in Mine”. There are lyrics, the band is entirely instrumental, but I want you to listen to the song as a prayer. Just let the song wash over you.

This may sound ridiculous to you, and that's okay. It kind of feels ridiculous while I'm writing it, but that doesn't mean it isn't true.

Peace,

Ben

You can contact me on Twitter @BenHoward87, via email, or feel free to comment. :)